October 30th, 2007 Workout – Cardio
Did 20 minutes of HIIT on my recumbrant bike at home. Went pretty good and I didn’t really notice much difference in my endurance after not going to the gym for a week. Today is my leg workout day.
Gotta keep the willpower going and stay away from the giant box of candy I got for the Halloween kiddies. Damn you bite-size chocolates. So tempting.
Motivation – Henry Rollins – Iron
This is one of my favourite Rollins stories and something that I read to myself to keep me motivated. After missing a week’s worth of workouts, I went back and reread this story and my old posts and other articles that motivate me. It really helped me get my motivation back and now I’m ready to go with the same intensity that I had when I started this journey.
Iron
I believe that the definition of definition is reinvention. To not be like your parents. To not be like your friends. To be yourself.
Completely.
When I was young I had no sense of myself. All I was, was a product of all the fear and humiliation I suffered. Fear of my parents. The humiliation of teachers calling me “garbage can” and telling me I’d be mowing lawns for a living. And the very real terror of my fellow students. I was threatened and beaten up for the color of my skin and my size. I was skinny and clumsy, and when others would tease me I didn’t run home crying, wondering why. I knew all too well. I was there to be antagonized. In sports I was laughed at. A spaz. I was pretty good at boxing but only because the rage that filled my every waking moment made me wild and unpredictable. I fought with some strange fury. The other boys thought I was crazy.
I hated myself all the time. As stupid at it seems now, I wanted to talk like them, dress like them, carry myself with the ease of knowing that I wasn’t going to get pounded in the hallway between classes. Years passed and I learned to keep it all inside. I only talked to a few boys in my grade. Other losers. Some of them are to this day the greatest people I have ever known. Hang out with a guy who has had his head flushed down a toilet a few times, treat him with respect, and you’ll find a faithful friend forever. But even with friends, school sucked. Teachers gave me hard time. I didn’t think much of them either.
Then came Mr. Pepperman, my advisor. He was a powerfully built Vietnam veteran, and he was scary. No one ever talked out of turn in his class.Once one kid did and Mr. P. lifted him off the ground and pinned him to the blackboard. Mr. P. could see that I was in bad shape, and one Friday in October he asked me if I had ever worked out with weights. I told him no. He told me that I was going to take some of the money that I had saved and buy a hundred-pound set of weights at Sears. As I left his office, I started to think of things I would say to him on Monday when he asked about the weights that I was not going to buy. Still, it made me feel special. My father never really got that close to caring. On Saturday I bought the weights, but I couldn’t even drag them to my mom’s car. An attendant laughed at me as he put them on a dolly.
Monday came and I was called into Mr. P.’s office after school. He said that he was going to show me how to work out. He was going to put me on a program and start hitting me in the solar plexus in the hallway when I wasn’t looking. When I could take the punch we would
know that we were getting somewhere. At no time was I to look at myself in the mirror or tell anyone at school what I was doing.
In the gym he showed me ten basic exercises. I paid more attention than I ever did in any of my classes. I didn’t want to blow it. I went home that night and started right in.
Weeks passed, and every once in a while Mr. P. would give me a shot and drop me in the hallway, sending my books flying. The other students didn’t know what to think. More weeks passed, and I was steadily adding new weights to the bar. I could sense the power inside my body growing. I could feel it.
Right before Christmas break I was walking to class, and from out of nowhere Mr. Pepperman appeared and gave me a shot in the chest. I laughed and kept going. He said I could look at myself now. I got home and ran to the bathroom and pulled off my shirt. I saw a body, not just the shell that housed my stomach and my heart. My biceps bulged. My chest had definition. I felt strong. It was the first time I can remember having a sense of myself. I had done something and no one could ever take it away. You couldn’t say shit to me.
It took me years to fully appreciate the value of the lessons I have
learned from the Iron. I used to think that it was my adversary, that I was trying to lift that which does not want to be lifted. I was
wrong.
When the Iron doesn’t want to come off the mat, it’s the kindest thing it can do for you. If it flew up and went through the ceiling, it wouldn’t teach you anything. That’s the way the Iron talks to you. It tells you that the material you work with is that which you will come to resemble. That which you work against will always work against you.
It wasn’t until my late twenties that I learned that by working out I had given myself a great gift. I learned that nothing good comes without work and a certain amount of pain. When I finish a set that leaves me shaking, I know more about myself. When something gets bad, I know it can’t be as bad as that workout.
I used to fight the pain, but recently this became clear to me: pain is not my enemy; it is my call to greatness. But when dealing with the Iron, one must be careful to interpret the pain correctly. Most injuries involving the Iron come from ego. I once spent a few weeks lifting weight that my body wasn’t ready for and spent a few months not picking up anything heavier than a fork. Try to lift what you’re not prepared to and the Iron will teach you a little lesson in restraint and self-control.
I have never met a truly strong person who didn’t have self-respect. I think a lot of inwardly and outwardly directed contempt passes itself off as self-respect: the idea of raising yourself by stepping on someone’s shoulders instead of doing it yourself. When I see guys working out for cosmetic reasons, I see vanity exposing them in the worst way, as cartoon characters, billboards for imbalance and insecurity. Strength reveals itself through character. It is the difference between bouncers who get off strong-arming people and Mr.Pepperman.
Muscle mass does not always equal strength. Strength is kindness and sensitivity. Strength is understanding that your power is both physical and emotional. That it comes from the body and the mind. And the heart.
Yukio Mishima said that he could not entertain the idea of romance if he was not strong. Romance is such a strong and overwhelming passion, a weakened body cannot sustain it for long. I have some of my most romantic thoughts when I am with the Iron. Once I was in love with a woman. I thought about her the most when the pain from a workout was racing through my body.
Everything in me wanted her. So much so that sex was only a fraction of my total desire. It was the single most intense love I have ever felt, but she lived far away and I didn’t see her very often. Working out was a healthy way of dealing with the loneliness. To this day, when I work out I usually listen to ballads.
I prefer to work out alone. It enables me to concentrate on the lessons that the Iron has for me. Learning about what you’re made of is always time well spent, and I have found no better teacher. The Iron had taught me how to live. Life is capable of driving you out of your mind. The way it all comes down these days, it’s some kind of miracle if you’re not insane. People have become separated from their bodies. They are no longer whole.
I see them move from their offices to their cars and on to their suburban homes. They stress out constantly, they lose sleep, they eat badly. And they behave badly. Their egos run wild; they become motivated by that which will eventually give them a massive stroke. They need the Iron Mind.
Through the years, I have combined meditation, action, and the Iron into a single strength. I believe that when the body is strong, the mind thinks strong thoughts. Time spent away from the Iron makes my mind degenerate. I wallow in a thick depression. My body shuts down my mind.
The Iron is the best antidepressant I have ever found. There is no better way to fight weakness than with strength. Once the mind and body have been awakened to their true potential, it’s impossible to turn back.
The Iron never lies to you. You can walk outside and listen to all kinds of talk, get told that you’re a god or a total bastard. The Iron will always kick you the real deal. The Iron is the great reference point, the all-knowing perspective giver. Always there like a beacon in the pitch black. I have found the Iron to be my greatest friend. It never freaks out on me, never runs. Friends may come and go. But two hundred pounds is always two hundred pounds.
October 29th, 2007 Workout – Weights
I did a weight workout today – chest, shoulders and biceps. After a week of not going to the gym I thought I might be a little out of it but I was able to jump right in to my routine, so I’m happy that I didn’t lose that much progress. I almost forgot how awesome it feels right after you finish a good workout. Tomorrow is cardio, so it’ll be interesting to see if my little break hindered my endurance or not – I don’t think it should have really.
I’ll never take another break like this again – there’s always time to fit in a workout.
A bad week / starting over
I haven’t been to the gym in 8 days and I’ve had more than a few crappy meals in that time as well. I was downtown a lot for the after dark film fest, busy with other things and stressed out overall. I can spout off excuses until I’m blue in the face but the fact is that I could have fit in time if I really wanted to and I could have made sure to eat better.
I gained back about 5 pounds. Some of it is water I’m sure, but some of it isn’t. There’s no point in beating myself up. I need to accept that I messed up the last week and move forward. This week I’m going to be super-strict in my routine and my tracking. I need to get back on track and not let my patterns change back to my old ways.
October 18th, 2007 Workout – Cardio
Was supposed to do my leg workout last night, but I couldn’t make it to the gym so I did a 20 minute HIIT workout instead.
Today is my rest day so no workout planned for tonight – but Saturday I need to make up my leg workout and Sunday I have back / triceps.
October 17th, 2007 Workout – Cardio
I forgot my iPod at work and I’m a diva when it comes to workout music – so I did my cardio at home today where I can listen to music off my laptop. Today I wanted to test my endurance so I decided to do 30 minutes of medium intensity cardio on my recumbrant bike instead of doing my normal HIIT routine.
One of the goals I set was that I’d be able to do 30 minutes without feeling like I’m dying. I pwned that goal :P
I did 30 minutes no problem. I feel like I could go another 10-15 minutes at least and next week I’m going to try 40 minutes. I think from now on I’m going to switch up my cardio so that I do HIIT twice a week and a longer endurance session in between.
Yay for goal pwning!
October 16th, 2007 Workout – Tai Chi/Weights
Today I had my Tai Chi class and a weight workout afterwards. Tai Chi went good – I’m getting more co-ordinated and I’ve got the first 6 forms memorized pretty good. The style I’m learning is called Yang Simplified 24 Form.
Here’s a good video of it being performed.
Right after Tai Chi I went straight to the gym. Today I did chest, shoulders and biceps. I’m really happy with the way my weight workouts have progressed. I am definitely building muscle and my arms are starting to take shape rather than just being plump and flat. Tomorrow I’m doing cardio – going to do my 30 minute endurance test at medium intensity to see how I react.
Unrelated – I think I accidentally figured out proper running form. After Tai Chi it started to rain and I started running to the car. Usually when I run I land on the front of my feet but today for some reason I was landing on the ball / mid section of my feet with each stride. The difference was huge. I didn’t get any pain in my shins at all and I felt like I was bouncing in each stride with ease. When I got home I searched youtube for videos of proper running form and found this:
I’m definitely going to have to give running another try with more emphasis on technique.
October 11th, 2007 Workout – Weights
Today was leg day. Probably the hardest but most boring day as well. I really need to start doing squats as I’m still doing all of my leg exercises on machines. I’m not terribly worried as my legs are huge compared to the rest of my body – I have calves of solid muscle the size of footballs. 28 years of holding up my bulk will do that.
Tomorrow is a rest day. It’s just too much of a pain to get a workout in on Friday and that’s when I need to kick back. Plus the gym is less crowded in the morning on weekends so I prefer doing workouts then. Saturday I’m going to do a 30 minute stint on the elliptical at medium intensity to see what my endurance is like. I think I’ll ace it but who knows.
I have a sternum!
While I was getting ready this morning, I noticed a weird bump on my chest. Upon closer inspection and much poking and prodding, I realized that it was my sternum and not a Gigeresque chest burster working it’s way out.
I honestly can’t remember the last time I could see my sternum. I guess that means I’m going in the right direction. Also – my man-boobs have shrunk a lot as well. Thankfully they were never that bad to begin with, but I can’t say I’ll miss em.
October 10th, 2007 Workout – Cardio
I own the stairclimber. I finally did a HIIT session on it and didn’t feel like I was absolutely dying after. I even started at a higher difficulty this time. Guess I gotta up it again this weekend. The next couple of times I do cardio I’m going to mix it up a little. I’m going to try the elliptical with higher jumps between difficulty levels to try to get my heart rate going again. I’m also going to try doing a longer session 30-40 minutes at a medium intensity to see what my endurance is like. One of my goals was to be able to do 30 minutes of medium intensity cardio without feeling like death. I think I can do it, but I usually do shorter more intense cardio workouts so I’ve never actually tested myself.
Tomorrow is weights: legs and lower back